Writings of Aíne Nevar, LSCSW, psychotherapist, author, and publisher of teachings and inspirational writings about living with trauma, transforming experience through acts of triumph, beauty, and love.
A single life influences and contains so many other lives that it is difficult to narrow down what is important to share about one's life. Like you, I was once a child, though not such a happy child. Undeniably, domestic violence and trauma shaped all aspects of my experience and compelled my choices. The mirrors of early childhood development reflect how I came to see and know myself, and I gambled in decades trying to outrun those phantoms.
During the times when I was tired of running, I settled down and accomplished things: I birthed and raised five children. I earned an undergraduate degree in psychology from the University of Kansas (1990) and a master of social work degree from Washburn University (1997). I became a psychotherapist, licensed in both California and Kansas, and had a full career helping others. Yet during the times when I accomplished things, I remained restless, suffering from complex post-traumatic stress and dissociative identity disorder. Despite my investment in twenty-five years of therapy, I remained disconnected from my self and from life. I felt like I had tried everything, and still I suffered.
In 2006-2007, I took a sabbatical, traveled from California to Minneapolis and wrote my autobiography: Birth Cry: The Treasures of Dissociative Identity Disorder. It was a painful and triumphant time in my life.
In 2008, my book completed and my bank account empty, I returned to work in California. Working with clients was rewarding; working in a traditional mental health environment was sickening to my Spirit. I struggled daily between the dictates of managed care within a rural mental health clinic and my own beliefs and values regarding the human spirit, holistic healing, and resiliency. Tragically, through my son Malachi's murder in August 2012, life opened up another path. Four months after his death, I returned to Kansas and grieved and slept. I cried and slept for most of 2013. Then I woke up. I mean really, really woke up! I woke up to find myself cradled serenely within the heart of bodhicitta: the awakened heart of my own true Self.
Life is like that: The truth - your truth - always comes forth. You have never been separated from it, for it is only our sense of separation that creates the illusion of sin and transgression. You may have heard it said that we are authors of our own stories. I believe there is a lot of truth in that. I have always known who I am and what I am to do this time around. I just haven't done it…or maybe I have been doing it all along. Now I get to write about it, and my hope is that some of this wisdom will touch your own, ignite your courage, and inspire your trust in yourself.